Saturday, July 18, 2009

Every Day it Starts Again...You Cannot Say If You're Happy...You Keep Trying to Be...Try Harder...

Last night I felt on top of the world. Thanks to my wonderful girlfriend Kara I was able to sing at this sweet little art show in downtown Calgary last night. I loved every minute of the event. It was at this funky venue called the Art Spot right off of 17th Ave. I played my little 15 minute set and the crowd was wonderful. I was there until midnight enjoying the art and music. I haven't felt that content in awhile.

Tonight I felt like I was scraping the bottom of the barrel. I attended what I am deeming the WORST YSA dance I have ever been to. The music was horrendous...they did play Let Me Take you there by the Plain White T's. But one good song doesn't make up for 15 terrible ones. I realized that my potential to find something or someone in this town...the odds aren't good. I realized that attending events such at the first one mentioned leave me feeling elated. While attending the other, the majority of the time, leave me feeling terrible. One extreme to the other in a matter of 24 hours.

And I am not sure why tonight was the night, but I emailed Topher and said goodbye. I was waiting for something dramatic, something epic, something climatic. Why? It just has to happen. I just have to follow through. I again was waiting to this point where I felt on top of the world and could accomplish anything and could write and speak that with absolution that I was strong enough. But I realized that moment may never come. I just had to pick a place to start, and why not now?

I know, it's me and I have caved before. But I have to start somewhere. I want to do this...I have wanted to for a long time. I have had some really sobering experiences lately that have strengthened my resolution to actually go through with this. I think I keep waiting for this big life altering event that is going to change my perspectives. But really I just need to snap out of it. It isn't this big one time thing that I have to do. It's something I am gonna be doing everyday for a long time now. I sound like someone who just quit smoking. In reality, he is my sick habit.

I have potential to be a lot more awesome then I have been letting myself be. This weekend has shown me that. Here's to tonight, a step forward.


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