Monday, June 12, 2006

They say that I won't last too long on broadway


Happy rejection #3! who didn't see this coming? LOL! I knew before I auditioned for the part of Tee Tom's side kick that I didn't fit the role. Yet I still prepared a song and dance number, only to be cut of in the middle of it and told I wouldn't be getting a call back. Well metaphorically that is kinda what happened, but instead of being told I wouldn't be getting a call back I looked up in the middle of my song to find him making out with one of the much younger skinnnier actresses. And scene.

Well thats that I guess. Things come in threes right. So I should be finished with rejection....thats comforting.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I don't really expect anyone to read all of this.....My blog is just my therapy

Well well well, who would have seen this coming. My inner defense mechanism was right all along. Ok well I am going to tell you the most unbiased version of the story that I can and you can decided for yourselves.

Ok I was really excited for FHE. I knew I was going to see him there and I knew if I wanted to start putting it out there...this would be the perfect time. FHE that evening was a backyard bbq with all our ward at the bishops home. I walked in and as denise would say I "smiled at the universe". I walked up to Tee Tom and asked how he was doing. It replied by saying "Have you been tanning Flick?" I was like perhaps what's it to you :)? ( in a joking way) and he was like oh....well cause the rest of you is tanned but your face is all white. OK probably not the smoothest thing to say....however I took it as joking flirt banter and dropped it.

All FHE we hung out and talked and what not. In passing he was like hey we should go see Nacho Libre. I was like yeah we should when it comes out and he was like it opened on Friday. So I was like what? I thought it opened this next week...oh well sure. So we kept chatting he told me about how is car was in the shop. We sat with my gf's and things seemed to be going well. Then he was like ya so are we going to see the movie? I was like yeah I had Denise drive me home to get my car and then headed back over. When I came back he was playing ultimate Frisbee but when I came over he left the game. Good sign. So soon after we left.

We got in my car and as we were driving over he was like I have to phone Mark I promised I would watch this with him and I was like yeah sure kool. Then when he didn't pick up the phone he was like what's Ginger doing tonight? I was like oh I dunno I think she is over doing a family thing. Then he asked what Sarah was up to. I said she was going to probably hang out with Ben. So I dunno when it was a reality that it just may be the two of us he went kinda weird. So we get to the theatre and of it wasn't out yet. So I was like hey since we are here is there anything else you wasn't to see. Half poubting he was like I was like hey we'll get back in my car and we can think of something else to do.

As we are leaving the mall he was like "Flick don't you sometimes just want to make out with someone?" And I was like ummm...and he was like oh you too huh? And I said nope but since we are by the top hat and roadhouse I am sure I could drop you off and you could find someone who does. I realize now writing this story that I came off as perhaps not realizing it at the time but kinda shooting him down. But I didn't want to play the stupid game that I always play I was trying to do things right. I guess I could have handled that better.

So we are driving around and after about 10 mins of no ideas we stop at a red light. To our left there is a girl at her house outside getting stuff out of her backseat of her car. She was wearing pink la senza sweats that said CANDY....across the butt. Tee Tom started making jokes like maybe she should lay off the candy...whatever whatever. Of course implicating that she was fat. Ok the girl no lies....was my size. OK I know I am not the skinniest person in the pack, but if he thought she was bigger good chance he was thinking the same thing about me.

Anyways so I was a little put off by this point. So I was like what do you want to do? Do you want to go to a movie? Do you want to go for a walk? Want to get slurpees? Do you want me to take you home? Now I know....that sounds like I was trying to get rid of him. But in reality I was trying to give him an out. If he didn't want to hang out with me he didn't have to. So he said well lets go rent a movie. Phew we had some sort of direction.

So I head to the north side blockbuster. On the way over his cell rings. He picks it up and starts chatting...well since I am a foot away from Tee Tom I can't help but overhear the convo which went. "Ya? Soccer? Where? So you go past the first set of light turn left and the go straigh till you see the feild? Cool....ya! Are there going to be hot girls there? ( BOO inner monologue) Ya I will be there!" So we are heading north. Tee Tom lives on the South. So I take my next right and get on Mayor so we are heading south. He gets off the phone and is like "Flick what are you doing?" I was like well I am just putting 2 and 2 together but you're going to play soccer? I was so confused. Anyways he was like "Yeah I dunno I was thinking about it I dunno I really don't want to go...I dunno". I was like kool well do you want me to drop you off at home? The west side? And he was like no no lets go rent a movie and I said if you want to go play soccer...thats kool. And he was like lets go rent a movie.

So all of a sudden I feel like he is like ohh boourns I have to hang out with Flick because I first made plans with her but I really want to go play soccer with hot girls.Anyways....we rent a movie entitled "Just Friends" fortuitous. We drive back to my house and we are the only ones there. He sat down on the couch first I was like ok....don't sit on the opposite end that looks ridiculous. So I sat beside him. Which probably looked ridiculous too...I dunno I was so junkied up by this point. During the movie hardly says anything.

Movie ends...I pick up my purse and he was like oh Bradshaw(best friend) is coming over...He's going to take me home. I was like ok? Anyways so we talk while we are waiting for him. He comes and takes him home.

WHAT? what? WhAT? I dunno what happened. I thought things looked like they were going somewhat positive and then SMASH right into the ground, hard! Who really knows I guess. I know I did some things that may have made him think that I wasn't interested, but I did them in response to things he was doing that made me think he wasn't interested. I give up on boys they confuse me.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

That's why my friends call me whiskers!

For whatever reason...the mutual interest, that I think I pretty much hullicinated, I am not feelin it anymore. And of course my automatic inner self was like "remember you hate tee tom" So while i fight off my inner defence mechanism, I am trying to logically think things through and keep myself calm before completely junking up everything and anything.

I think I need a new modivational poster one which reads....." I am indifferent towards Tee Tom" Cause really that is was I am going to try my hardest to be. I don't want to hate tee tom...I don't want to like tee tom. Indifference is bliss.

I always put the cart before the horse...always...I am a worrier. Which is possibly why my friends call me whiskers. But I so badly don't want to be a junked up mess and end up breaking up with tee tom without ever dating him. I don't want kids outside Tim Hortons laughing at me.

So here I go. I am going to give indifference my best effort. I am not going to lie Mody has pretty much let me know how less fun it is to be hurt. I am in no hurry to dive into that anytime soon.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Dramatic Irony at the Show'n'Shine

Scene: YSA dance

Time: 11:00pm ish

I arrive at the dance that I deemed the show'n'shine. I wanted to look good that I felt I radiated confidence. I am making a play for Tee Tom but I am going to do it right!(for once, no accidentally flashing my bra this time) Anyways he was the first to ask me to slow dance. And dang the kid looked good. I dunno if I am just really wanting this to happed and hullicinating in my mind, but it feels like there is some quazi possible mutual interest. ( ok I figure if I get shut down I will just go back to the age old theory of hating Tee Tom)

Things are going pretty well we kinda danced the fast songs in the same group. Enter Mody. Remember him? Really how could you forget? By default he ended being my friend of the night cause I think his pickings were scarce. So there I am with Mody by my side for a good portion of the night. I mean its not that I was like boo get away from me...but if Tee Tom would have had a girl by his side the whole night I would have been dissapointed. LoL so really the first dance that I wouldn't mind not seeing Mody.... there he is by my side. Oh the irony!

I really wanted Tee Tom to come and talk to me after the dance...but I really can't blame him cause I could have gone up to him and talked to him as well. I contimplated it but couldn't figure out what I was going to say once I got there. Lets hope he had the same problem!