Sunday, May 31, 2009

I know better, I know better....still I wish I was by your side....

Ok! So last night I was privy to see the wonderfully quirky Sarah Slean. I am in a euphoric state. I love that girl, she is my idol if I could be anyone but me...I would be her.

The first time I saw her live was last year at Knox Church in downtown Calgary. Now I am not a big crier....but when I heard the song "Please Be Good To Me" the tears streamed from my eyes. Her lyrics so ingenious, so poignant. They can create emotion and a connection. This time I came prepared to feel. Since I came with a foreknowledge of their effect on me, I was certain a tear would not catch me off guard. But alas, as she played "California" my eyes may have glistened. It was so hauntingly beautiful, and related to how I feel perfectly. Listen to the song... especially if you love someone you shouldn't. I am currently in the process of learning it on the piano.

And of course she finished with "My Invitation." It was like she could read my mind on what songs she should play. I could have sat there all night in that UofC theatre. I actually have sang on that very same stage she played on tonight. Kind of cool side note.

It was a good day. Spent a good portion shopping, and a short but fantastic portion listening to my favourite artist. I got home at 2:00 am...and was so tired that I fell dead asleep. Which was wonderful considering I haven't slept a full night in about a week. Thoughts of this impending reunion have me in inner turmoil. I know better, I know better....still I wish I was... by your side.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

And a Sun to Maybe Dissapate, Shawdows of the Mess You've Made

I am kind of in this weird state of I apologize for this post in advance.
So Topher is moving home for the summer.
Yep....who saw that coming? Definitely not me. To update those who don't quite understand the entirety of this read the blog. He is the best friend who moved to Ontario, the one who despite all odds...somehow connected with me. I don't know what to make of this or how to feel. Initially, excited to see my friend. Then fear set in. Something in me loves that boy. Which is actually ridiculous because I never in a million years want to end up with him. I want to just be friends I want to be carefree and crass and make our ridiculous jokes and tell each other everything and anything with no harsh judgments and open opinion. I want so bad to go back to before Vancouver. I want my best friend back desperatly, and so does he.
But, I have no idea how to get back there or if I can get back there. Is Colin Hay singing the truth?

Say Goodbye to the World You Thought You Lived In

So we all failed the preliminary round for Fernie Date 2009.
Let me explain. My boss every year takes our whole office to spend a weekend in Fernie. Every year I have such a great time. We stay at this beautiful resort up in the mountains, you can go check out all the little fun shops while enjoying a carmel apple from The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. It is a fantatic weekend. This year three of us decided that this year our guest would not be our sibling or close girlfriend....that we in fact were gonna round up dates. Which in reality you shouldn't be too hard to find a sensible guy who would want to spend a free weekend in Fernie....but we don't live in reality....we live in YSA.

Whether they were too young, too old, too complicated, too unavailable, or just flat out too stupid, no guys took any interest, in fact most screwed us over. Our life is like living in "The Bachelor". The odds are definitley not in our favor. There is 25 women to 1 guy. And we are talented, educated, articulate, beautiful women. However, placed in the crap shoot of a scenario, most of us appear in a few brief episodes. Then our stint on that round of the show is done. When did dating become this? Why can he kiss two of us in one night and it is deemed acceptable in his decision process?And why am I one of the older girls at 23? This "show" isn't in fact one of reality at all.

I don't want to play anymore.

Here's to us not finding a Fernie's to them finding us.

You Don't Need Treats....You Don't Need Tricks

Ok peeps here is the latest....
So new story. Met a boy, well actually had met him a couple times... thought the polite thing to do would be at least to make him my Facebook friend. So i did so. Of course, he accepted my request and became what has been deemed "an internet boyfriend." For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it is someone that is your best buddy on msn or facebook chats you up, and comments on practically everythings you write. But the reality of it is...have you really spent any amount of time with this person in real life? 5 minutes at most.
Ok, this guy is cute, educated, articulate and thinks things like Flight of the Conchords are funny. This is good...maybe we should try to transition this into reality. I would like to state that by moving this to reality, is spending more than 5 minutes with this person...not in fact making them your actual boyfriend....but instead of typing, actually talking. And they always seem to be implying that they would like do to so as well.
So I made some feeble attempts...even set up an appointment at our office for him. Alas, only in the end to find out he wasn't worth the trouble. Tonight, being the blunt individual that I am, was like hey I am doing this you should come. He was like maybe...I will think about and I was like no no either you are coming or you aren't and he was like I'm not....which would have been fair enough to leave it at that but we give an excuse of another lady finding out and that being an issue.....and we're done! I am a no nonsense girl. You want to get to know me...then do. Simple. If you don't then don't I don't need an excuse.
Maybe I was too harsh? Rash even? I dunno I just figure if it resemebles the situations of my past in anyway then to cut my losses. Of course, I will be civil and polite...I mean he isn't a bad person, just the potential it flickered was apbrutly extinguished.
Oh wait update... he has a girlfriend....remember that time you kept pretending like you wanted to hang out and do something? Ok quick tip, fact ,whatever...if you have a shouldn't be out for more potential friends that are girls. Just a thought? Correct me if I am out of line in that statement.

She's Done What She Should Should She Do What She Dares?

So I got a longboard! I know.. every has told me I am gonna kill myself...which I may, I am not known for my grace and agility. My boss/dentist told me today to protect my hands/arms at all costs and that she could always fix my teeth :) I have been out on it twice and wiped out today for my first time! I have the feeling it is the first of many but I am having a good time. The board is a Sector 9 Joel Tudor and its green. It's pretty sexy, I'm not gonna lie.

I cut my losses with the cute boy I was auditioning. It's a good thing the play was starting to fall apart at the seems, I was spending too much time rehearsing trivial scenes. He will not be getting a call back.

So on to the up and coming stories of life. I was thinking back the other day to the last time life felt more fun and less stressful. I couldn't pinpoint an exact date but I was reading some old emails and looking at some old photos. Flash back to two summers ago...I was dating a boy named Tom. Life was simple and despite what I thought at the time the kid loved me. He outright told me, but me being me, I refused to believe it. Now I am trying to get to a place in my life where if someone told me that I would believe them....and I just as I was thinking about how to go about it who should pop up to chat but Tom himself. We chatted about life and how much has changed and just wanting to simplify, de-stress, and chill. I suggested we get together and play guitar like old times. Now don't get the wrong idea with this. time has moved both of us to far off places from one another. He even has a gf. But it is just about finding that place where life wasn't a mess.

So other story...for those of you who don't know. Last summer I fell in love with one of my best friends. Our friendship changed into this awkard heap of a mess and he moved home to Ontario last fall. I never wanted to fall for him or be with just happened. And I have spent a good portion of the last 6 months trying to move past these feelings and work it all out, Because he still is one of my best friends and I miss him a ton. He invited me to come and see him this summer. Which sounds like a fantastic fun idea. I love big cities and would get to spend a week in Toronto. Plus I really miss him. Now I kind of had a reality check conversation with my soulmate Carrie. She was like who are you kidding something will have fallen into this how many times? And it is just keeps on happening. Which is true.But as terrible of an idea as it is...I still am conflicted about it.

So here's to making the decisions that will make me happy. I wish myself the best of luck

It's Verbatim and it's Shakin'

Ok so last night I may or may not have had my socks rocked off by two of the sweetest Canadian bands. I have dubbed my friend Cody my concert boyfriend cause his actual girlfriend never wants to come to concerts. So I luck out and score extra tickets. It's a pretty sweet deal actually I'm not gonna lie. However, Codes and I have a lot to learn about being concert goers. The tickets said the show was to start at now I wasn't that niave I was like pshh prob won't start till 8:30 or 9ish but whatever we can go and chill and it won't be that long. I swear that is didn't start till 9:30. Oh well better then that time we were stoked to see The Midway State perform and showed up thinking that we were going to be hard core and beat out all the other fans. So we showed up 15 mins only to find that no one in Lethbridge really knew who The Midway State was and we could have just waltzed right up to the front of the stage, the very moment they walked on to play. Oh well live and learn.

The opening band was really who I knew more of the music of. I have seen Said the Whale count em three times now, and never do they dissapoint. However, this band always has a bass player who looks like he doesn't belong. Poor guy he just swayed back and forth in the background. I don't think one of the 4 other band memebers ever made eye contact with him. I think I saw a single tear roll down his cheek. I wonder how long this guy will last? Maybe I could be the next bass player!

Which brings us to Mother Mother. I was freaking blown away by this band. Their sound is really different and I love that it is a co-ed band with more than one token girl.It had it all sweet rhythems, tasty guitar licks, and bass player who not only belonged but was friggin hott and whipped out a tenor sax from time to time. Look up Hayloft... I suggest it cause it was the first song I listened to and I was hooked.
Good music makes me happy.

Enter Stage Left

So here I am making my triumphant return to blogging. Ok take out triumphant and replace it with whatever you wish. None the less if you ever have read my blog before it is just the pointless rants and stories of my life. So enjoy.
So of course there is always the recent boy making his debut on the Ashley Show. He's cute, funny and probably the most talented of anyone to ever grace the stage. But of course he possesses the qualities and characteristics that most of the males I cast embody. Young and lacking any sort of motivation or direction. Yet he pulls off the romantic scenes so well that you can't help but keep him around for a couple rehearsals. Horrible I know. I would like to actually cast him in an actual role but he lacks the commitment to follow through with the production. Auditions are turning out to be a lot of fun, however I am spending too much time casting the chorus line.
But I have been thinking. It is ingrained into me that in order to make this play a success I need to cast a leading man, Ok enough of the analogy but in all seriousness, it is a notion that I am trying to move past. I think I can pull this off on my own. I no longer think that I need the validation of a boyfriend or what have you to make me a success. I have kind of a new do what you feel attitude. My goal is to be happy on my own terms. Which has raised a bit of a ruckus with a few folks. People have their own opinions on what you should and shouldn't do to produce this so called happiness. I think it differs for everyone what that means and entails so just because you are happy doing what you are doing doesn't mean another person will be. So in conclusion, don't worry if what I am doing doesn't seem right or make any sense. Who are you to determine that?
So there was a story and a rant...oh the joys of blogging.