Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Shun the non believer shhhunnn shhhhhhhuuuuuuuunnnnnnn

OK so quite possibly this has been one of the roughest days I have had in awhile. I awoke this morning feeling lethargic and gross. I looked into my closet to find my mountain of laundry that awaited me. I did my laundry not once but twice today because I had to rewash my clothing cause I forgot my lip gloss in one of my pockets and it grease stained pretty much everything!Hooray! Then I had to go and face a bank teller to get American cash, and took out my last 30 dollars and went to put 10 dollars of gas on my credit card. Amounting to 40 dollars I really didn't have. Ok. So I put the gas in my car and go to jump back in and realize wait a second....CRAP! As I stared at my keys through the glass of the drivers side window I cursed whatever was trying to make this day a no go for me. I went and phoned TNT towing and went back out to sit on the trunk of my car and wait. But I did not wait alone. Oh no. Some random trucker to strike up conversation with me. As I sat there trapped with no where to go I muddled small talk for 20 mins.
As soon as I got in the car I expected to feel relieved, however that feeling was replaced with impending doom. I phoned my mother and her knowing me( she wouldn't tell me I was going on a field trip till I was on the bus I am kind of a worrier) reassured me that everything would be ok and that I needed to go on this trip. But I keep on facing feelings and situations that are telling me otherwise. So something is out to get me. I am just hoping to have a fun time at Candymountain....I mean Utah, and that I don't lose a kidney.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Don't you understand I already have a plan

What the freaking barf am I doing? I am standing in line for the emotional roller coaster of my life, and I am freaking out just being in line. Tonight was not good. I have been spending most of my nights with the premee, having a surprisingly good time and finding myself thinking hey why not? Then as I start to let myself get a little involved emotionally....Murphy's law would have it the cold front comes in. Friday night was amazing and I had such a wonderful time and things were just so comfortable. Tonight however the comfort level diminished and I realized I would never give a rats behind about gears of war and the walk we went on ended with an awkward run in with an unexpected crowd.

My goodbye to the other is tomorrow. It's going to be hard.

So as I stand realizing I am in the group that is going to get in the roller coaster next, I want to turn around and get out of line...but this sick part of me really loves the ride. There's something about being at the top of a drop in a roller coaster that just appeals to me. Evening knowing the thrill is going to last all of 5 mins, and then you walk off the ride feeling nauseous and disoriented.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

1:30 am can only warrant questioning

At times it is hard to believe the irony in your life. Who would have ever dreamed I would have ended up with a Kasson complex? Ok not me. But yet here I am. Why did I show up at the teen dream pageant and think that I would just walk away without wanting to hang out with one of the contestants at the after party? I had a really good night last night actually. He's really sweet and funny. However...I should definitely not be pushing this. Yet it's hard not to when someone thinks your jokes are funny and actually asks you to go out and do something with them. It is kinda a rare thing for that to happen. And really it shouldn't be.

I am needing to remedy this. Actually not remedy, but detour? I dunno I have to switch routes. I want to be his friend.....I am his friend. But there is extreme potential to ruin this. I am not going to let this turn out like another boy horror story in my book. This premee is going to get a happy ending. Maybe not the one he wanted but it would be better then the one that was originally in store.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Here's to me Mrs.Robinson/A.H. he's only a year and a half younger then me. Oh dear in real life this isn't a big deal but in the Mormon alter reality that I live in it kinda is. So I dunno what I am doing but it can't end well. Really I am having trouble seeing how any boy situation in my life will end well. But really if you have ever read my blog before you can foresee the pattern in my my life that is about to replay itself. So here's to the premee...good luck trying to make it a happy ending in my story book.

But really would I be satisfied with one epic drama?Nope. You know me always looking for more. So I am doing pretty much everything that is frowned upon in the pursuit of the opposite sex in LDS culture.Dang that boy and his smile, how can you not spend 15mins after any church function chatting it up with him? But I didn't give him a calender of babies dressed as adults, so I am still in the clear...somewhat.

Well this wasn't the triumphant return to blogging I had envisioned,but it will do. You have to start somewhere. And really I let you into the two parts of my life right now that are going to lead to more blogs. Be excited its gonna get.....good?