Colors of the wind does have the word how in it!

Well well well. So Topher is out. Man that didn't take long. I wished him luck but somehow everyone crashes and burns in the book of Flick. I was the lead along dumpee in this chapter....which is pretty much a running theme in the book.

But since Topher took his place in the line of those who hurt me....someone else got bumped back up to the line of my friends. Which is great because I didn't like not having the boy with the curly blonde hair as my friend. So coudous to Kasson.

Yesterday was fun filled. Complete with a walk through a graveyard and later on a game in which some how I ended up singing "Milkshake" by Kelis with Braden,

I was really starting to look like a before infomercial before picture....so I got my hair cut today! So I am looking good for what might possibly be the encounter #1. Plus I am wearing a hot button up pin striped shirt from the GAP so I am feeling good.

So watch me play with fire....it seems to be my favourite pastime.

How long is too long when you're waiting by the phone?

Remember how I am such a girl that it sickens me. I have hung out with Topher numerous times over the past week and the one night that we don't I can't let my cell phone out of my sight just in case. I didn't think I was letting my guard down. I actually thought I was doing really good. But I evaluated myself today and I am falling for him whether I like it or not. How could I not be especially after last night playing pool? Things just clicked in and felt so comfortable and right. Sitting beside him last night I could have stayed up till all hours of the night, not caring that I had to be in to work at 8, because it just felt so good to have his arm around me. I am such a girl that it sickens me.

Not only does it sicken me...but it frightens me. I cannot count the number of rejections that have weakened my ability to date properly. I always doubt myself and doubt the way the other person feels about me. Even though others tell me how he feels, I can't believe it. Not till it is said out loud by him. And there in lies the rub. If you haven't guessed that is my new favourite saying.

Where do I/we stand?

This is a terrific question my friends. And it seems like I am always looking for the answer to it. So me and Topher( I decided to stop calling him the premee) have been hanging out a great deal lately. I really like him. He makes me laugh and during the days where work seems crappy and I am sick of people...knowing that I will see him at the end of the day just makes things seem ok. I am not trying to be weird or mushy, but its true. Everything we do leads me to believe we are dating( I don't think he would be too impressed if I went on a date with someone else tonight and visa versa) But we aren't dating, at least nothing has been said. And there in lies the rub...because no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to just say it yesterday, I couldn't. Because every time I have that conversation...things nosedive and careen out of control and there I am left alone to figure out how long I had been wasting my time on that person.

Do you always have to outright say it? I tend to believe so, because if you don't then you can just back out with ease at anytime because...you weren't dating. I have to give a shout out to the girls who told them if he hurt me they would beat his sorry butt in a sketchy back alley on the north side. I am being so gaurded it's horrible, but necessary because you can only get hit by the "I just though we were really good friends/heck no" bus so many times.