I'm crazy for tryin and crazy for cryin

Ok so pretty much the title lets you in on my current state of mind. I am crazy. Who knew a pot smokin hippie and a twangy country singer could come together to make this emo song for a 20 yr old dental assistant who is crazy in whatever she may decide to do?

Thank goodness Denise went through this over 2 months ago so she could help drag me through it. I am 99.99% sure that the answer from Mody is thanks.....but no thanks. But I just want to hear it.Is that odd? Cause there is this weird glimmer of hope....small as it may be in the back of my mind that is like don't just assume no and walk away you haven't even done anything. But there is this part of me that doesn't want to risk the comfortable current situation that is going on right now. But my goodness I don't know what the heck to do....its crazy to try cause it is the longest shot ever. But dumb to cry cause what good does that do anybody? But really those are my two options. I think that I will just suffer in silience until slowly but surely everything withing me dies. Then I can be Denise, and never cry again!

I was talking to my roomates last night and Heron was like....ash not to be mean to you but....you just move from guys....you are like hey I like you....oh you don't like me kool NEXT. But this is something that isn't seeming to just go away. What the crap is wrong with me?

hooray for everything!

Well is is more than official.....we have enterered the wedding season! 5 weddings thus far I am invited to over the course of the next three months of my friends not including my cousins which would make six. Ok so yes I am somewhat on the verge of a nervous breakdown...but it isn't because I don't have a ring on my left finger....I am 20 I have plenty of time to get married.

I just feel as if I am going no where at an extremely fast rate. Boys that I didn't want in the first place don't want me. Good guys seem scarce, and my reformed attitude towards not allowing myself to give up the search for one with less emotion behind in then before.

I am not going to give up my "reformed attitude" I have come in contact with a bunch of nice guys since then. And made a really nice guy friend.

I definatly need a slurpee.....really there is no point in my life when I will not need one man I love slurpees. Anyways thanks for listening to the rant of a crazed ysa.

So close you can almost taste it

Wow its been like 20 days since I have blogged! Not that anything really exciting has happed to be blogging about. Well Mody.....as much as that would be a good thing to happen.....its not going to. And I am trying to accept that and just move along. Another weird situation came about in my life.....a good boy that through the grapevine had some interest and was showing it.We hung out alot over the past week quite a bit but I was rather undecided about how I felt. But seeing that this was a good oppurtunity and deiciding that I shouldn't pass it up I decided to make a play in the positive direction. However there was no response from the boy. And in all honesty I wasn't that broken up about it. But rejection none the less is not a good feeling. Man where is the mutual interest in this world? I dunno you get so close......and then not so much.

Well sorry this blogtook a turn for the boring and not so interesting but that is my life in a nutshell over the past couple of weeks. It is the last week of the month and I am dying for it to be pay day....something tells me I am going to be living on fruit leather and saltines till Friday. Anyways I am going to go to bed.

I do want his autograph!

Ok starting with Friday night.....I knew I was going to see "the boy" and that I had to look good and be confident, and what better way to be confident then in a brand spankin new pair of Silver jeans? So there was a dance on Friday and I was stolked cause not only do I love to dance, I knew strategically somehow I had to get a slow dance in. So I walk into the dance only to almost run into creepy man of the moment from so many weeks ago. I averted my eyes and headed to the middle of the gym. As we were dancing the boy walked in. Looking sooo good of course....be real how could he not? Anyways by the very end of the night, he did ask me to slow dance. It was pretty much the best 5 mins of my life thus far. =) Whoa jr high wants their story back.

Anyways he came over after the dance and we just hung out and chatted. Then Saturday evening a bunch of us went sledding. It was so much fun! And I was stratigically allowed to sit behind the boy on the sled when we took group trips down on it. Then again afterwards we just hung out and played the question game. It was good cause we all got to learn a little bit more about each other. And who doesn't like J Rich's stories....golden!

Then last night after the fireside again......we all hung out.....yet again. And I got to hear the best pink pather story I have heard in a long while. Oh goodness Mody thanks for that.

Sweet Lymric

Well... I learned my lesson....stop going to institute. Cause who hangs out at institute....good guys...and one in particular.

I have been horrible at going to institute
And so I decided to start now
The girls kinda bribed me to go there
And I bet you all know how

Why most girls go to institute
They act all cute and coy
But its all some ellaborate scheme
To attract a certain boy

So there I am sitting quietly
Listening to way Bro. Wood has to say
Then he walks in the room
And my eyes focus another way

Well finally class ends
And it's time to chat and flirt
But my eyes kinda glaze over
And I act quite less alert

But it is all good
Cause I have another shot
He's coming to hang out
ahhh dang this boy is hott

So I step up my game
And things take a turn for the great!
I'm charming and I'm funny
Ohhhh but just you wait

Get to moca cabanna
And we hear the dilemma of his "friend"
As 7 mins of talking about this girl
I think will this ever end

Like getting stung by a jelly fish
Ever watch Bridget Jones?
You're wishing for an out
Everything within you moans

Finally the bill is paid
I head to my car without goodbye
Pretty much you can't sit through that
Without having a part of you die

So hmm what to do?
Does he know what's going on?
Probably not....
And he's done nothing wrong

And I don't get like this around boys
Whats up with this guy?
So even though I may end up looking like an idiot
I know I have to try


Robert Frost's got nothing on me! Anyways I hope you all laughed at my attempt at poetry. And by all I mean....pretty much Denise. Anyways! I am gonna do it...put it on out there, more so! And if I get shut down I do.